1. For Zion's sake I will not be silent, for Jerusalem's sake I will not be quiet, Until her  vindication shines forth like the dawn and her victory like a burning torch.
2. Nations shall behold your vindication, and all kings your glory; You shall be called by a new name pronounced by the mouth of the LORD.
3. You shall be a glorious crown in the hand of the LORD, a royal diadem held by your God.
4. No more shall men call you "Forsaken," or your land "Desolate," But you shall be called "My Delight," and your land "Espoused." For the LORD delights in you, and makes your land his spouse.
5. As a young man marries a virgin, your Builder shall marry you; And as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride so shall your God rejoice in you.

1. For Kathy's sake I will not be silent, for Kathy's sake I will not be quiet, Until Kathy's vindication shines forth like the dawn and Kathy's victory like a burning torch.
2. Nations shall behold Kathy's vindication, and all kings Kathy's glory; Kathy shall be called by a new name pronounced by the mouth of the LORD.
3. Kathy shall be a glorious crown in the hand of the LORD, a royal diadem held by your God.
4. No more shall men call Kathy "Forsaken," or Kathy's land "Desolate," But Kathy shall be called "My Delight," and Kathy's land "Espoused." For the LORD delights in Kathy, and makes Kathy's land his spouse.
5. As a young man marries a virgin, Kathy's Builder shall marry Kathy; And as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride so shall your God rejoice in Kathy.

----- Original Message -----
From: "SCOTTKATHYW"
To: "Terry Carroll"
Sent: Wednesday, June 14, 2000 08:53 PM

I am going to write this to you because I don’t think that I could trust it with
another soul.

I was on break today and that feeling of depression just sucked me right in.
That’s the best way I can describe it.

It lurks around the corner all the time. It seems to cycle from Anger, to
sadness, to gratitude that I have people around me who can help.

But, today, when that depression was taking a grip (I had been fighting off that
darkness with words for several days)

It came on strong that I am a child of Jesus. That I am his. Then I felt awashed
in his blood. Covered in his blood, and it WAS HIS blood. I could feel the
drying stickiness of it even.

A voice (him) told me that I was his and that the dark COULD NOT have me. That I
would live and that he was in me. And again that the darkness could never have
me, that I was forever his and would forever be alive on some plane with him.

I was dumbfounded of course with this meaning.

And then I closed my eyes and he gave me a piece of bread (like in the church)
and he asked me if I would eat his flesh and I told him yes.

He then gave me a drink of the wine/blood and asked me if I would drink of it.
Of course again the answer was yes.

Then the thought has stayed with me that I belong (yes belong) to him and that
he is in me.

I still feel his blood all over me and I feel like it is his/our suffering that
I am feeling.

I did not have any awesome feeling of joy. Only this intense feeling that I
belong to him, period, and that I always will.

Even now my sadness brings the feeling of his blood and his sadness and
belonging to him.

This is way over my head but I know that it is true.

I will pray to him tonight for his will to be done in my life.

But again their were no warm fuzzies, only a knowing of the above things.

Still, I feel these things. I don’t know what they mean or how they will effect
my life but I know that they are true.

I know that I don’t deserve his love, because I can not return it to him in the
way that I should.

I have told him this in my prayers of late. I tell him that I am sorry that I
can not grab hold of his way or his will for me . That I do not have the energy.
I am so tired all of the time. I could sleep for hours.

But more will be revealed. I know that I do not deserve him but here I am
covered in the blood of Christ.

I keep repeating it because it is so real. I have been so blessed with him
showing himself to me in my life but I am not giving back right now. If I am it
is in very little ways.

I know that I am not nuts and that I am experiencing this.

I just dont know what he wants me to do with it.

My guess is he just wants me to know that he is with me in this pain.

And he told me that he came to give me life (like it says in the bible) and life
in abundance.

Kathy

----- Original Message -----
From: "SCOTTKATHYW"
To: "Terry Carroll"
Sent: Wednesday, June 14, 2000 08:58 PM
 
Please, if something bad should happen to me share that letter with my mother
and husband and husband's family. The last time that I experienced something
that strongly, I was kidnapped at gunpoint and nearly died; I am not saying that
I think I will die but, if I do, share that to give them peace. This is not
suicidal ideation (I want to live as long as he would have me). I just don't
know what to expect when I feel something that strongly (and still do).

Thanks,

Kathy